Monthly Archives: May 2013

To my Granddaughter.

Hello darling,

If you’re reading this it means that I managed to have a child and that child has managed to have you! Go us! I’m writing to you from a time before the revolution; 2013. I want to tell you a little bit about my life. I hope that you will scarcely be able to believe what you’re reading as I hope that my the time my grand daughter is old enough to read, all this nastiness will have been cast in to the annals of history. As I said darling, it’s 2013 and I am 21 years old. This morning I went to the BP Garage to by croissants, coffee and a newspaper – the BP Garage is a place in which we pump petroleum in to our cars without thought, despite the fact that petroleum is running out and the fumes emitted through it’s use are slowly suffocating our environment and ecosystems! Yeah, I know right, unbelievable! Anyway, I digress.

I picked up my newspaper from outside, selected my croissants and made my way towards the till. A newspaper is how we used to get our news before the internet; they’re already slightly outdated but I am old fashioned and enjoy a good crossword. I bought my newspaper and croissants, before heading across the road to the little Portuguese cafe to get a latte. Inside the Portuguese cafe there was a man reading a magazine. Not just any magazine though little one; a magazine which specialises in “male entertainment” – essentially, it is a magazine in which women are presented in very little or no clothes at all, purely for the enjoyment of the magazines readership. Now, I am not a prude darling. I know you don’t want to here about your grandmothers dirty mind but let me assure you as my own grandmother assured me; we’ve been there and done it all before. Frankly little one, I have no problem with pornography generally. It’s just this particularly breed of pornography, which I hope to whatever deity is up there will have died out by the time you’re old enough to read this, portrays only a particular kind of woman with a very particular kind of body. Women that most real women in 2013 do not even look like! I know darling, it’s ridiculous! I’m sure you’re laughing now! “What! Granny Laura says there were magazines for men that had naked women in them, that didn’t even look like real women!? Hahaha!” You may laugh little one but unfortunately in the days before the revolution, this is what happens!

And it gets worse! You see, women are made to feel terrible that they don’t look like the women in these magazines! Even magazines aimed at us women ourselves perpetuate this tired old image of a perky young woman with perfect skin, tits, arse, make up, figure, partner and profession! I know darling, it is ridiculous! But it doesn’t even stop there little Laura. NEWSPAPERS join in! You know, those old fashioned vehicles for finding out what happened around the world that I mentioned earlier? Yeah, those. On Page 3 of some of these papers they have a large picture of a woman with no clothes on. “But Granny Laura,” I hear you protest, “I thought you said they were newspapers?! A vehicle for the news?!” Oh, I know little one. It is bizarre. But don’t worry, Granny Laura and her friends are on it. I hope and pray that by the time you read this, this archaic tradition will have been exposed for what it is; degrading women and perpetuating the notion that we are nothing but a pair of tits. Sex and nudity are not the problem – systematic and misogynistic objectification of women is.

Love and cuddles
Granny Laura


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